Whether you are married, about to get married, or you just entered into the dating game, this article is for you. This article is not for you if you do not want a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law or soon to be mother-in-law. However, if you’re going to enjoy a mother-daughter relationship with your hubby’s mother keep reading.
Seeing your mother-in-law as the enemy
Thanks to Nollywood and Facebook relationship groups’ scripted stories (hide my identity), young ladies have romanced the idea that the mother of their would-be husband or boyfriend is an enemy to their progress. Well, if you are in this school of thought, it is high you left that toxic reasoning; it won’t help you, and it will definitely drain your husband’s energy.
If you are not yet married, it’s perfect; you can rectify this issue. If you cannot see your mother as an enemy, then do not see your fiancé’s mother as the enemy. No mother in her sane mind would accept any lady as her own daughter when she sensed hostility from her. Before you come for my head, listen, I am not saying there are no “wicked” women who will go to any length to destroy their son’s relationship.
However, when you fill your mind with other people’s negative experiences, there is no way you won’t show resentment towards your mother-in-law and trust me, she is not a fool, she will know you resent her, and in turn, she will fight you.
Pretending to be the perfect wife
Lol, ladies ladies ladies, do not make the mistake of trying to be the perfect wife for her son. By this, I mean, going to his parents’ house to do all the chores you can lay your hands on every day when you are not naturally that kind of a person… I know you mean well, but you will be shooting yourself.
What we ladies forget is, your mother-in-law was once in your shoes, she didn’t magically turn to an “advanced” woman, she has passed through that stage, your line of thoughts, and possibly even smarter and wiser than you. They see through you, and they know when you are pretending to be the “housewife” material. Now, it can go two ways, either they detest you for “over-trying” or gently advise you to relax and act naturally with them.
Here is the rule, whatever you cannot do for long, do not start it. It doesn’t mean you should be sassy and have no regard for your in-laws just because you feel “this is me, so deal with it. Listen cutey, no one loves nonsense. The keyword here is balance. Be yourself, and at the same time, do not be arrogant. If you love your husband/ fiancé, you should also love his family; do things for them. Do not pretend to be what you are not. I hope you get my drift.
One of the mistakes lovers make in their relationships is over-familiarity. Frankly, as a lady, planning to raise a family with your Boo, you should be busy doing something productive. Perhaps, working for a company, or grooming your own business. You do not have to spend weeks in your mother-in-law’s place just because you want to get to know her. This is a red flag; do not show up every time. It gives room for over-familiarity. Besides, you do not spend much time in your parents’ place, so why do you want to behave otherwise in your his family’s house? If you have nothing doing, probably you are job searching, or on leave, get a book and read.
However, it does not stop you from calling or texting your mother-in-law to check up on her once in a while. It is healthy, and it breeds love and respect. Whatever you want your husband to do to your mother, do it to his mother. I hope you get it; I really do.
Not listening to your husband or fiancé
But what does this have to do with my mother-in-law? Yes, it has everything to with her. Your husband, fiancé, or boyfriend, knows his mother more than you. He knows what ticks her off and what melts her heart. So, before doing anything for his mother, it is advisable to seek counsel from your husband, fiancé, or boyfriend. He will advise you on what to do and how to approach her. So listen to your husband or fiancé 😉
Not seeking for her blessings
A woman raised your fiancé or husband… I believe she did a great job; that is why you fell in love with her son in this first place. Out of nowhere, one sissyEko will come and take her son away from her dear son away from her. “Haba, na she wan marry her pikin?” that statement is insensitive and should not come out of your mouth. Every mother looks forward to the day her sons will get married to the love of their lives, but deep down, they are also scared for their sons.
Frankly, I won’t blame any mother, seeing the kind of toxic mentality we ladies have today. Seeking her blessings is one of the many ways to calm her fears. Thank her for allowing you to love her son, and be the woman of his dreams. Also, let her know, you will need her help since she knows her son well enough. Besides, she practically raised him, ask questions on how to be a better wife.
I would have written more on this, but I believe the points listed above will help you create a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law.
Note: pride has done more harm than good in any relationship; if you feel you are too big, classy, or beautiful to go the extra miles to maintain a relationship with your mother-in-law then you should remain on your high horse, and extend the wedding date (that’s if you are yet to be married) or get ready to receive the same treatment when your son is ready to get married.